Unco Guid
copyright Anne Murray
Cast of Characters
Desirée- young girl, main character
Woman- Desirée's mother
James -Desirée's brother
Francis- Desirée's brother
John
Marco- Desirée's boyfriend
Announcer
Zuber- Desirée's artistic mentor
Doom
Miko- another boyfriend of Desirée, from before Marco
Perce- Desirée's most recent lover
Mel- friend
J-Dog- friend
Peter- mutual friend to Marco and Desirée
Scene one
The scene is a suburban living room. A large old fashioned television is blasting the evening news. A child sits next to the TV while a woman sits on a sofa pointing at things on the television screen. The broadcast is of the first walk on the moon.
Woman: See, dear, that's an astronaut.
Desirée: That's not astronaut, that's Franny!
Lights go dim. TV goes off but one still hears the broadcast.
End Scene one.
Scene Two
The scene is a suburban kitchen. A loud thump announces the lights coming back on very bright. A man stands for a brief moment next to a kitchen cabinet that he has just punched. (that was the sound as lights came on). Then he walks away into the background.
James: See, look at him he is the violent one.
Desirée: I saw that snake uncoil. Don’t give him a blank check. Don't do it.
Woman: He is my son. I can't let him go out on the street. He is my son. I quit smoking for him. I don't understand. What did I do wrong? I am a failure. You are all ingrates.
James: Forgive them father for they know not what they do.
Francis enters
Woman: (Screaming) Francis get me my checkbook.
Francis: Goddammit, get it yourself. I am going to buy a gun. I am going to buy a gun. I am going to get a gun.
Desirée: Yeah and then you will go to jail instead of him. Brilliant!
Francis: Well what am I supposed to do? (stomps off and is heard on the stairs climbing clumsily)
Same scene off to the side-looks like a street corner lights go down in center and a streetlight goes on to the side
Desirée: Funny I should meet you here. I was just contemplating...Did you ever think about death as being like standing still?
John: No, not really.
Desirée: Well, if you stand very, very still you can't feel your body. If you move slightly, or shift your weight then you might feel your feet a little.
Same scene-lights go up in center again.
Desirée stands with her back to the audience.
Woman stands next to kitchen table facing James. He is shaking her violently. Francis stands behind her and holds James’ shoulders. James turns around with his arm in full swing and punches Francis. Francis grabs his nose it is bleeding profusely. His nose is broken.
James takes off into the night.
Francis: (yelling) I am going to call the police!
Francis reaches for the phone still holding his nose.
Woman: Francis you are getting blood all over the kitchen!
Francis:( more emphatically starts to dial and holds the phone up to his ear)
I am going to call the police!
Woman: (grabs Francis’ arm and screams) Don't do that! I will throw you out of this house if you call the police.
Francis hangs the phone back up his face defeated. Woman smiles smugly.
(Figures freeze and lights go dark.
Desirée turns and faces the audience. Lights focus on her face.)
Desirée: I thought I could escape this, but I, too, am stuck in time.
Lights dim.
Scene Three
Scene is Paris. A street with a bakery storefront that says Patisserie.
Desirée stands with a man more than a foot taller than her. They are lost.
Desirée: Didn't you bring the phone number with you. I can't believe you forgot the address. Let's just call information.
Marco: I don't know Rocco's real name. Pilois or something. I know his first name is Eric.
Marco picks up the phone and dials.
Marco: Le numero pour Pilois, Rocco s'il vous plait. Rien. He hangs up the phone and shouts banging the phone several times with his fist and screaming
" Merde, ca me fait chier. Putain de merde."
Desirée: Screaming isn't going to do any good. Let's just go home and get the number.
Marco: No, let's go and wait for someone to go in.
He is visibly pissed off and embarrassed at the same time. Desirée's practicality seems to irritate him even more.
Desirée: I am not going to wait around in the cold all night. I don't see why we can't just go back and call him from home.
Marco: (Very harshly and barely containing himself Marco shouts)
No, we will go there and wait.
Desirée: (Almost crying from fear, nods her head and says)
Ok, Marco we will do it your way.
They walk off the set and the lights dim.
Scene Four
As if in a dreamscape, the scrim shows flickering lights and a forest over the Paris scene. Marco enters and knocks on a door to a small apartment off to the side. Guests are already there as the lights come up and Desirée answers the door. Desirée is wearing a green dress with starfish on it and Marco is dressed in jeans and a shirt.
Desirée: I am so glad you've come for the St. Patrick's Day fest. Come on in there is plenty to eat and drink. Help yourself.
Marco: (Speaking softly)
Thank you, I brought some salsa music to play.
He enters and helps himself to some wine.
Desirée: I never heard salsa before, this is fun. Hey, could you teach me to dance? (She looks up into his eyes directly then averts her gaze with a demure obscurity).
Marco: (Visibly interested in the girl, puts down his drink and takes her in his arms. He is a clumsy dancer with the girl because of his size and height, but they enjoy themselves).
(Someone from the group decides to start a game of poker and Desirée rushes to the other room to find a deck of cards.)
Marco: I can't play poker. (He says as he takes another glass of wine from the kitchen where he stands with Peter).
Desirée: I can teach you. I will be your partner, but first you must answer this question. What kind of animal do you think I am?
Marco: (Shyly) a koala
Desirée: (Clearly pleased and surprised by his answer takes his arm and says)
I thought I was a kangaroo, but perhaps you are right.
(They walk out to the living area and Peter follows. The two are clearly becoming more drunk as they seem to kiss between each move of the game and others have to draw their attention. Guests begin to leave and it seems that Marco is still here. Desirée's roommate is wondering what is happening and offers them both some tea and departs. Marco starts kissing Desirée passionately and they begin to disrobe. They unfold the bed and the lights go out. The lights come up and Desirée and Marco are dressed and walk out into the Parisian street. They are talking lightly about Marco's roommate Peter who is an alcoholic.)
Marco: Peter has been getting drunk more and more often, lately. It is disturbing. He isn't making it to work. I don't know that he has been paying our rent. I thinking he might be using my part to live off of.
Desirée: That's terrible. I know that he has been missing his classes lately, too. His students have been worried and the Director is starting to notice.
They walk off stage.
Announcer: (a voice like a radio announcer)
It is believed that the moonwalk has been compromised. There are individuals who insist that we have not walked on the moon. The President has assured us that this is not the case and has asked the FBI to look into terrorist possibilities.
Scene Five
A Parisian gallery
Desirée: Thanks so much for coming. Yes, I will take your suggestions. I will try to work in a series. (Desirée kisses people on both cheeks as they say goodbye)
Zuber: Why didn’t you keep in touch the last two years?
Desirée: I…We’re moving to New York.
Zuber: We often go there. Keep in touch.
Desirée: (she kisses him on both cheeks nervously and averts his gaze) I will.
Scene Six
Desirée is standing next to a piece of art on an easel.
Desirée: I feel like the world is closing in on me…a sense of impending doom.
(She looks at the easel where a figure of a man is shown from the waste up in the foreground of the painting. His pallor is a pale grey and a woman is huddled on the floor in the background.)
Announcer: Yes, it’s true. Yes, yes, the astronaut landing on the moon was all a big hoax. The wind, see it, look to the right, there, there it is, the flag moving in the wind.
(A knock on the door is heard.)
Doom: I am here to dissuade your fears. Just let me take them with me and you will feel calm. Oh, and don’t mind the fleas there are stray cats in the studio.
Desirée: James? James? (she has been sleeping and gets up to answer the door.)
Miko: (is in the hallway and has disrobed completely while waiting for her to come to the door) Desirée, the kittens are everywhere. The fleas! I am so itchy!
Desirée: Why, you’re naked Miko! What are you doing out here? Why didn’t you just come in? Don’t you have your keys?
Miko: Did I hear you say James, before you came to the door?
Desirée: Oh, I guess I was sleeping. I must have been having another nightmare about him.
Miko: Oh, I’m sorry I just had to take my clothes off. The kittens are everywhere and they have fleas.
Desirée: Kittens? What kitt…where?
Miko: (Entering and closing the door. There is a shuffle between them as the hallway is narrow and leads into a miniature kitchen.) In the studio, of course. You should have seen them and how Maccabee treats them. He can’t get enough of them even with the fleas.
Desirée: In the studio? How awful! How did they get there?
Miko: They get in through the gaps in the walls. Maccabee just loves them, but they have been sleeping in my canvas and the fleas jumped right onto me when I tried to build a chassis. You should have seen Maccabee. He had this strange wet spot on his painting today which he didn’t notice until we had wrapped it all up. He kept poking at it through the plastic as if a part of the painting hadn’t quite dried.
Desirée: What does that have to do with cats and the studio?
Miko: Well, the cats had been running around with their kittens and had trampled over several paintings… and um, well, you see…
Desirée: I am not sure that I do? Did they…?
Miko: Precisely! He didn’t even mind and I guess he may already be familiar with the smell. They have been living there for weeks.
Scene Seven
Desirée: I feel like I have lost something and I keep trying to replace it. It keeps coming up in my life like an ice cube thrown into a glass. It’s something ineffable.
Perce: Do you want it to be found? It is up to you.
Desirée: I don’t know, Perce. Can you help me find out? I just can’t see things clearly. It’s the fog. It keeps me from knowing or feeling or experiencing.
Perce: I think I know what you mean. You need to listen to me sometimes, Dez. I need you to hear my side of things. I need to lean on you.
Desirée: I want to say that I can do that, but how can I? You left me, remember?
Perce: Let’s not look at it that way. We both needed it. I just took the initiative.
Desirée: Initiative is a way to put it. That is clearly your interpretation and not mine. What do you think that I wanted? Does it matter to you? Do you miss me?
Perce: I am desperately in love with you, but we have no future together. It’s finished.
Desirée: I had a nightmare last night. There were many people that we know here in the apartment and there were pieces of people in the fridge. It was disgusting. I saw shrunken heads like Apple head dolls: they looked real, though. I was horrified and so overcome with fear that I was sweating when I awoke with a sudden start. I had that very specific kind of clammy feeling that only fear can cause.
Perce: What do we do now, Dez?
Desirée: It is hard to say. I just need to keep going. I guess I get that from my mom. It hurts so much, though. My heart is aching like a piece of a shattered glass vase. I feel like I am part of the Glass Menagerie. Do you know that play?
Perce: No, I’ve never heard of it. What does it mean?
Desirée: Nevermind, it is just another one of those literary references. Someday, perhaps you will read it, when we no longer know each other and then you will think of me.
Perce: Ok!?
Lights go down and the scene changes.
Scene Eight
Desirée’s bedroom. She is sitting on the bed. The room is lit by a stained glass lamp.
Desirée: I wonder if he would like to fly a kite. I should ask him, but not today. I have to wait three days, remember. She holds up a stuffed toy. He likes kids… What is this religion thing anyway? Stained glass windows like lamps in the hallways of despair. I just don’t get it. There is a culture to it, though. Maybe it has all been leading up to this. Maybe it’ll make sense later. Maybe, I was meant to help that kid, to be there, just at the right time. He did call me. At least the number when I pressed call back was a number in that state.
(The phone rings and she answers while tucking the animal under one arm.)
I can’t, I want to, but I can’t. No, that is not true. I never said that. Alright, then, just …whatever. (she hangs up the phone)
Scene Nine
Woman: They don’t make them like they used to.
Announcer: It seems that there has been a new scientific development, They are growing babies in tubes. Yes, like straws. This is better than sea monkeys.
Woman: Monkeys. Isn’t that what Des mentioned that map guy said – something about monkeys?
Enter Desirée
Desirée: Yeah, that’s right. I said monkeys- he had a story about monkeys that just made me laugh. But, before I met him I saw a white bellied hawk fly over me. It was very close- I could see the individual feathers and their variations. I think that it was a sign. Do you think I am crazy?
Woman: Well, it does sound odd, but then you are an odd bird. Perhaps you were the bird of prey and you swooped down on him.
Desirée: You would say something like that- you always have known how to make me cry and then dwell on things- just like he did- said I made him feel like a leper.
Woman: Perhaps you should have given him a kiss.
Desirée: For buying me a coffee? That just doesn’t seem right. Why should I owe him anything? I was nice, I just didn’t feel comfortable.
( aside to the audience) When will I ever learn not to share these things with her?
Woman: Well, get used to being alone, then. Your attitude isn’t going to help at all.
Announcer: Did you see the shadows? They were all over the place- like there were multiple light sources. That landing couldn’t have happened. They did a nice job faking it- just like a girl in bed. You never can be sure of that. . Well it’s a snow globe out there. You mothers should all go home and call your grown up kids. Just tell them to stay in on a Saturday night and make sure that they have milk and bread. They will be so thankful and then they will really appreciate you.
Desirée: (she looks up as though she can see the announcer) Did you hear that Mom?
Woman: I didn’t hear anything - there must be ghosts ( she laughs awkwardly). Like the Ghost and Mrs. Muir- I really like that show- wish they would have it on TV again. Seems that they never have anything good on, just crap over and over again, just like my life- CRAP.
Desirée: I have been reading this book on apology- you know, how apologies heal and help people to maintain harmony in the family. I thought you might want to read it.. I ordered you a copy.
Woman: Oh, well, I suppose you want me to apologize. (snearing) Perhaps, you could learn something from that book- to be a better daughter instead of always bitching at me like your brother.
Desirée: I’m writing a new play, Mom, it’s called Unco Guid.
Woman: Unco what? What is that German or something?
Desirée: It means oddly good in Scottish Gaelic. It’s about the family.
Woman: Well, you will have to ask your aunt about it . We will see what she has to say.
Desirée: Sure, that is what I expected you to say. ( she turns and walks off stage. Lights dim)
Scene Ten
Desirée: It is just that she never apologizes. She never admits that she is wrong about anything. It really hurts.
Mel: What are you going to do. It is what it is. That is why they are the mothers. I know, it sucks.
Desirée: She started this new thing- she doesn’t say I love you when she hangs up the phone.
Mel: What do mean? Do you say it first?
Desirée: Yeah, and then she just hangs up the phone. It is like a new trick that she has learned. I don’t know what it is all about. I feel so freaked out, though and I know that is what she wants. I just hate it- the manipulation.
Mel: What are you gonna do? That is the way they are. It just sucks.
Desirée: You know what I was just thinking?
Mel: What Des?
Desirée: He is just like her- giving me love in an eye-dropper. Sometimes the fluid is hemlock though or arsenic. A kind of attractive green and blue so it goes down easily.
Mel: Is that what color it is? Green?
Desirée: Yeah, they used to use it in paint and then people would get ill- go crazy in fact . I think that they used it in mental asylums or something. I remember that I saw this movie where Madame Bovary took poison and it took hours to die and she threw up this coppery green liquid- a combination of bile and flesh.
Mel: Coppery green?
Desirée: Yeah like when the copper has been left out in the elements. You know, I had to read this whole book on blue pigments when I was in college. It described the way certain colors were created in medieval times. They used to piss on copper to get a bluish green.
Mel: Was it like an ammonia thing? I don’t think that I would have liked to use that color to paint with. Nice color though. Do they call it pee green.
(They both laugh.)
Desirée: I kind of feel like that color sometimes. Like I have been created from what is left when people piss on something pink and shiny. I feel like something created from the elements- salt and water and cold.
Mel: Maybe you are like the sea. A sort of Sea-creature (gestures with slight sarcasm mingled with modesty).
Desirée: It is funny that you say that. The symbol of my family name is a mermaid…My ovaries hurt. (She touches both sides of her abdomen simultaneously)
Mel: I am sorry to hear that. That sucks.
Desirée: Do you think that it is safe to go out there- into the snow globe. If only it were a globe, a protective shield of fantasy.
Mel: Sounds like some kind of psych term- the shield of fantasy created by the victim.
Desirée: Well, I am a victim. I am a victim. I am a victim. Isn’t it supposed to help? Saying it out loud, I mean?
Mel: I guess so. I think that I may have heard that before or read it . It is a strange thought, though- like you can never let anyone touch you. I had a girl like that once- just couldn’t; let me touch her unless she had had a drink.
Desirée: Yeah, I know the feeling. Can’t wait for the day that I can really trust someone. Do you think that it will ever happen, Mel?
Mel: Anything’s possible. (holds out his hands to possibility)
Desirée: Yeah, alright . I better get moving. The job search thing is a killer.
Mel: Tell me about it .
Desirée: I don’t have time now. Just wait ‘til later. It will give us something to laugh about.
Scene Eleven
Announcer: Is it true that the moon changes your personality because it pulls you towards it?
Desirée: Here we are again, Mel. I can’t stop thinking about what he said. It isn’t about him, though. It is about me. I called the Crisis center.
Mel: Well, if you feel in crisis, that would be the right place to call.
Announcer: Did you know that the moon is the brightest thing in the night sky and yet it does not give off its own light.
Mel: That's right, the moon is like a giant mirror to the sun.
Desirée: Huh, what are you talking about. We weren't talking about the moon, Mel.
Mel: Oh, just ignore it, it was the voice again. I heard it say something about the moon and I responded.
Desirée: (looking a bit confused) Well, I think we should be going. Off to the pitch and putt. You know, pitch the old stuff and putz around with the new.
Mel: Hey, I kind of like that, maybe I could use it in a play.
Lights dim and come up. Mel and Desirée are at the miniature golf course.
Desirée: Well, Mel, I am glad we decided on miniature golf. I think I am much better at short distances. I almost got the last one in. ( She places an imaginary ball on the ground and swings. There is a miniature castle to one side with some fake green grass leading up to it.) Ahh, into the moat as predicted, not unlike the rest of my life, huh Mel?
Mel: No need to be down on yourself, you have accomplished a lot and that new job is going to really change things.
Desirée: Yeah, you are right, nothing like a change of scenery to liven things up. Keep thinking there are other things I should be doing, though. Like walking on the moon or living in Africa. I can imagine myself standing and looking across the savannah, Mel. This here could be the high ground where the Male lion sits overlooking his pride and over here could be my home- something simple made of wood and fabric that I could move around to different spots seasonally. Can you see it, Mel? The African sun deep red on the horizon and the dust flying as the wind picks up. Soon the moon will rise and we will feel different.
Mel: Yeah, I definitely feel different when the moon is up. It is a bit creepy.
Desirée: Yeah, it makes me feel sad, kind of melancholy. I imagine that the moon was once in love with the sun and that he rejected her or rather that he barely noticed her until everything was eclipsed. Well, it is your turn, Mel, we have been at this same hole for a while and I think that family with the three kids is going to be upon us in full force in a moment.
Mel: Well, I still got it. A hole in one! Yes! If only that were a euphamism rather than reality.
Desirée: Do you ever talk to that girl, Eva? Eve? What was her name exactly?
Mel: Nope, gave up on that one, she was one of those whose name must not be heard, kind of girls. A bit crazy, if you ask me.
Desirée: Well, I was just asking. Hey, did you ever think what it would be like to live on the moon. I saw these paintings, well sort of sculptures, no bas-reliefs I guess they call them, well anyway I saw some in a night club and they looked like the surface of the moon. They were incredible. The color and texture was very realistic. I even thought about buying one, but who knows where I will be from one day to the next. I mean, I never thought I would be here for this long, I mean on this planet, in this city, anywhere really.
Mel: That sounds a bit 'MACABRE" as the upper crusties might say.
Desirée: Well, Halloween is my favorite holiday, after all. I am already thinking about my costume for this season.
Mel: Oh yeah, something sparkly?
Desirée: Nope, something dark and twisty. I want to be a bird of prey. I was thinking an owl even, I could practice turning my head farther and farther everyday. Owls have a remarkable turning radius for their necks. There is a special word for it, but I can't remember what it is. It's always like that for me, I can remember the concepts, but not the specifics.
Mel: Yeah, that is what got the World Book Encyclopedia into business. Most people seem to only remember things in part, like a vague cloud is around all knowledge.
Desirée: Oh, what should we call it the cloud of knowledge or the fog of doubt? Hahha, funny it really is a half empty, half full kind of thing. Well, we are at the last hole. Do you think that we have learned anything?
Mel: Well, I don't feel sparks going off around my ears, but I do feel like it has been a journey, always is when we hang out.
Desirée: Ok, so now all we have to do is get the last ball into the Venice canal and we are home free. (a picture of the edge of the Ducal Palace and the canal is seen projected over the background. you see a ball fly into sight and then bounce back onto the stage. Desirée picks up the ball, while speaking). I guess you win, Mel. Try getting this one in all in one try. (She hands him the ball).
Mel: Alright well, let's see if we can set off some sparks. ( Mel places the ball delicately on the tee and gracefully strikes it. Firecrackers go off in the background and the lights go dim. Mel and Desirée can be heard exclaiming as they leave the stage in darkness). That was a sure thing!
Desirée: Wasn't for me, Mel, wasn't for me!
Scene Twelve
Desirée: ( Lights are dark and there is one spotlight on Desirée, she is speaking to the audience) Venice, was just thinking about that. We change so much in our lives, don't you think? I remember thinking that love was all I needed, all that I wanted. I thought it could solve all of my problems. Now, I realize that it caused most of them or rather, searching for it made everything come to the surface over the years. Like traveling in that yellow submarine and awakening from a dream. How right they were, you know their songs were right on, and yet I don't think that I really ever thought about what they meant. Course there is always Tracy Chapman and Billy Holiday to thank for the beautiful and the real. For the Truth.
(Lights come up softly and she picks up a stuffed animal. The room is a girl's room with a canopy bed and soft blue wallpaper with peach flowers on it. She hears a knock on the door and she opens it.)
J-Dog: (Stands just inside the door as it opens) Well hello there. Can I come in?
Desirée: (Nods her head and walks over to sit on the bed. Her expression is blank as if in a kind of shock) So, this is where I grew up, J-Dog. This is where it all happened. (She hands the stuffed animal to J-Dog who starts to animate it by moving it around) The only thing missing is my dog. I should get one someday, when I settle down, if I settle down.
J-Dog: (Walking the stuffed animal playfully along the bed, and making it look up at her, says in a silly voice) You want to come out and play?
Desirée: (Smiling softly and reaching out to take the stuffed animal, she hugs it and says) Ok, I think I can come out of the time machine and see what planet I have ended up on, maybe I have finally made it to the moon, what do you think? ( she says this to the stuffed animal)
J-Dog: I will get the guitar, alright? See you downstairs, right?
Desirée: (Nods and stays behind for a moment carefully placing the animal on the bed) You should get some rest, it will be a long road of adventure for you after this, who knows where you will end up, but let's hope you can be there for someone. (She gets up, opens the door, takes one last look, and turns out the light as she closes the door)
Scene 13
The scene is a kitchen. Many relatives are floating around and everyone looks like they have been hit by a brick. Desirée is sitting next to J-Dog as he begins to play the guitar. People are still talking but their voices gradually fade as Desirée begins to sing.
Desirée: (Singing) Some people say that there is nothing, some people say that it's a dream. I think I say that there is something, something way beyond the moon. Your life will be what you have made it and we are here to give it truth. Some people say that you have made it, I think I say that I hope so. You were always so troubled, I can't imagine you today. There is a way to walk the earth and sky, but to the moon you have to fly. And so I think that it's enough today, to only say good-bye.
(A few of the relatives clap, while others barely stir. J-Dog leans over and puts his arm around Desirée and the lights fade)
Lights come up and the kitchen is empty of people except for Desirée, J-Dog and Mel.
Mel: Well, its the end of the book now, you will have to start a new one at this point. How are you feeling?
Desirée: Not sure, yet, Mel. Feels like I got hit by an iceberg and it is melting with cool water dripping down my forehead. How is that for an image?
J-Dog: Sounds like you could be a bit refreshed, if you ask me. Your voice was good yesterday.
Mel: I think you made the right choice to wait until everyone was at the house rather than to sing at the cemetery. I noticed the other graves, too. They may all be walking on the moon now. Perhaps, she is at peace.
Desirée: I know I am, finally.
Lights dim and an image of the first man walking on the moon is seen projected in the background with the American flag flying and rippling in the image.
Announcer: Well, whether we made it to the moon for the first time back in the sixties or not, we have walked on it since then and that is in fact, one giant step...
Lights dim, Desirée's song from the wake plays softly as the play ends.
copyright Anne Murray
Cast of Characters
Desirée- young girl, main character
Woman- Desirée's mother
James -Desirée's brother
Francis- Desirée's brother
John
Marco- Desirée's boyfriend
Announcer
Zuber- Desirée's artistic mentor
Doom
Miko- another boyfriend of Desirée, from before Marco
Perce- Desirée's most recent lover
Mel- friend
J-Dog- friend
Peter- mutual friend to Marco and Desirée
Scene one
The scene is a suburban living room. A large old fashioned television is blasting the evening news. A child sits next to the TV while a woman sits on a sofa pointing at things on the television screen. The broadcast is of the first walk on the moon.
Woman: See, dear, that's an astronaut.
Desirée: That's not astronaut, that's Franny!
Lights go dim. TV goes off but one still hears the broadcast.
End Scene one.
Scene Two
The scene is a suburban kitchen. A loud thump announces the lights coming back on very bright. A man stands for a brief moment next to a kitchen cabinet that he has just punched. (that was the sound as lights came on). Then he walks away into the background.
James: See, look at him he is the violent one.
Desirée: I saw that snake uncoil. Don’t give him a blank check. Don't do it.
Woman: He is my son. I can't let him go out on the street. He is my son. I quit smoking for him. I don't understand. What did I do wrong? I am a failure. You are all ingrates.
James: Forgive them father for they know not what they do.
Francis enters
Woman: (Screaming) Francis get me my checkbook.
Francis: Goddammit, get it yourself. I am going to buy a gun. I am going to buy a gun. I am going to get a gun.
Desirée: Yeah and then you will go to jail instead of him. Brilliant!
Francis: Well what am I supposed to do? (stomps off and is heard on the stairs climbing clumsily)
Same scene off to the side-looks like a street corner lights go down in center and a streetlight goes on to the side
Desirée: Funny I should meet you here. I was just contemplating...Did you ever think about death as being like standing still?
John: No, not really.
Desirée: Well, if you stand very, very still you can't feel your body. If you move slightly, or shift your weight then you might feel your feet a little.
Same scene-lights go up in center again.
Desirée stands with her back to the audience.
Woman stands next to kitchen table facing James. He is shaking her violently. Francis stands behind her and holds James’ shoulders. James turns around with his arm in full swing and punches Francis. Francis grabs his nose it is bleeding profusely. His nose is broken.
James takes off into the night.
Francis: (yelling) I am going to call the police!
Francis reaches for the phone still holding his nose.
Woman: Francis you are getting blood all over the kitchen!
Francis:( more emphatically starts to dial and holds the phone up to his ear)
I am going to call the police!
Woman: (grabs Francis’ arm and screams) Don't do that! I will throw you out of this house if you call the police.
Francis hangs the phone back up his face defeated. Woman smiles smugly.
(Figures freeze and lights go dark.
Desirée turns and faces the audience. Lights focus on her face.)
Desirée: I thought I could escape this, but I, too, am stuck in time.
Lights dim.
Scene Three
Scene is Paris. A street with a bakery storefront that says Patisserie.
Desirée stands with a man more than a foot taller than her. They are lost.
Desirée: Didn't you bring the phone number with you. I can't believe you forgot the address. Let's just call information.
Marco: I don't know Rocco's real name. Pilois or something. I know his first name is Eric.
Marco picks up the phone and dials.
Marco: Le numero pour Pilois, Rocco s'il vous plait. Rien. He hangs up the phone and shouts banging the phone several times with his fist and screaming
" Merde, ca me fait chier. Putain de merde."
Desirée: Screaming isn't going to do any good. Let's just go home and get the number.
Marco: No, let's go and wait for someone to go in.
He is visibly pissed off and embarrassed at the same time. Desirée's practicality seems to irritate him even more.
Desirée: I am not going to wait around in the cold all night. I don't see why we can't just go back and call him from home.
Marco: (Very harshly and barely containing himself Marco shouts)
No, we will go there and wait.
Desirée: (Almost crying from fear, nods her head and says)
Ok, Marco we will do it your way.
They walk off the set and the lights dim.
Scene Four
As if in a dreamscape, the scrim shows flickering lights and a forest over the Paris scene. Marco enters and knocks on a door to a small apartment off to the side. Guests are already there as the lights come up and Desirée answers the door. Desirée is wearing a green dress with starfish on it and Marco is dressed in jeans and a shirt.
Desirée: I am so glad you've come for the St. Patrick's Day fest. Come on in there is plenty to eat and drink. Help yourself.
Marco: (Speaking softly)
Thank you, I brought some salsa music to play.
He enters and helps himself to some wine.
Desirée: I never heard salsa before, this is fun. Hey, could you teach me to dance? (She looks up into his eyes directly then averts her gaze with a demure obscurity).
Marco: (Visibly interested in the girl, puts down his drink and takes her in his arms. He is a clumsy dancer with the girl because of his size and height, but they enjoy themselves).
(Someone from the group decides to start a game of poker and Desirée rushes to the other room to find a deck of cards.)
Marco: I can't play poker. (He says as he takes another glass of wine from the kitchen where he stands with Peter).
Desirée: I can teach you. I will be your partner, but first you must answer this question. What kind of animal do you think I am?
Marco: (Shyly) a koala
Desirée: (Clearly pleased and surprised by his answer takes his arm and says)
I thought I was a kangaroo, but perhaps you are right.
(They walk out to the living area and Peter follows. The two are clearly becoming more drunk as they seem to kiss between each move of the game and others have to draw their attention. Guests begin to leave and it seems that Marco is still here. Desirée's roommate is wondering what is happening and offers them both some tea and departs. Marco starts kissing Desirée passionately and they begin to disrobe. They unfold the bed and the lights go out. The lights come up and Desirée and Marco are dressed and walk out into the Parisian street. They are talking lightly about Marco's roommate Peter who is an alcoholic.)
Marco: Peter has been getting drunk more and more often, lately. It is disturbing. He isn't making it to work. I don't know that he has been paying our rent. I thinking he might be using my part to live off of.
Desirée: That's terrible. I know that he has been missing his classes lately, too. His students have been worried and the Director is starting to notice.
They walk off stage.
Announcer: (a voice like a radio announcer)
It is believed that the moonwalk has been compromised. There are individuals who insist that we have not walked on the moon. The President has assured us that this is not the case and has asked the FBI to look into terrorist possibilities.
Scene Five
A Parisian gallery
Desirée: Thanks so much for coming. Yes, I will take your suggestions. I will try to work in a series. (Desirée kisses people on both cheeks as they say goodbye)
Zuber: Why didn’t you keep in touch the last two years?
Desirée: I…We’re moving to New York.
Zuber: We often go there. Keep in touch.
Desirée: (she kisses him on both cheeks nervously and averts his gaze) I will.
Scene Six
Desirée is standing next to a piece of art on an easel.
Desirée: I feel like the world is closing in on me…a sense of impending doom.
(She looks at the easel where a figure of a man is shown from the waste up in the foreground of the painting. His pallor is a pale grey and a woman is huddled on the floor in the background.)
Announcer: Yes, it’s true. Yes, yes, the astronaut landing on the moon was all a big hoax. The wind, see it, look to the right, there, there it is, the flag moving in the wind.
(A knock on the door is heard.)
Doom: I am here to dissuade your fears. Just let me take them with me and you will feel calm. Oh, and don’t mind the fleas there are stray cats in the studio.
Desirée: James? James? (she has been sleeping and gets up to answer the door.)
Miko: (is in the hallway and has disrobed completely while waiting for her to come to the door) Desirée, the kittens are everywhere. The fleas! I am so itchy!
Desirée: Why, you’re naked Miko! What are you doing out here? Why didn’t you just come in? Don’t you have your keys?
Miko: Did I hear you say James, before you came to the door?
Desirée: Oh, I guess I was sleeping. I must have been having another nightmare about him.
Miko: Oh, I’m sorry I just had to take my clothes off. The kittens are everywhere and they have fleas.
Desirée: Kittens? What kitt…where?
Miko: (Entering and closing the door. There is a shuffle between them as the hallway is narrow and leads into a miniature kitchen.) In the studio, of course. You should have seen them and how Maccabee treats them. He can’t get enough of them even with the fleas.
Desirée: In the studio? How awful! How did they get there?
Miko: They get in through the gaps in the walls. Maccabee just loves them, but they have been sleeping in my canvas and the fleas jumped right onto me when I tried to build a chassis. You should have seen Maccabee. He had this strange wet spot on his painting today which he didn’t notice until we had wrapped it all up. He kept poking at it through the plastic as if a part of the painting hadn’t quite dried.
Desirée: What does that have to do with cats and the studio?
Miko: Well, the cats had been running around with their kittens and had trampled over several paintings… and um, well, you see…
Desirée: I am not sure that I do? Did they…?
Miko: Precisely! He didn’t even mind and I guess he may already be familiar with the smell. They have been living there for weeks.
Scene Seven
Desirée: I feel like I have lost something and I keep trying to replace it. It keeps coming up in my life like an ice cube thrown into a glass. It’s something ineffable.
Perce: Do you want it to be found? It is up to you.
Desirée: I don’t know, Perce. Can you help me find out? I just can’t see things clearly. It’s the fog. It keeps me from knowing or feeling or experiencing.
Perce: I think I know what you mean. You need to listen to me sometimes, Dez. I need you to hear my side of things. I need to lean on you.
Desirée: I want to say that I can do that, but how can I? You left me, remember?
Perce: Let’s not look at it that way. We both needed it. I just took the initiative.
Desirée: Initiative is a way to put it. That is clearly your interpretation and not mine. What do you think that I wanted? Does it matter to you? Do you miss me?
Perce: I am desperately in love with you, but we have no future together. It’s finished.
Desirée: I had a nightmare last night. There were many people that we know here in the apartment and there were pieces of people in the fridge. It was disgusting. I saw shrunken heads like Apple head dolls: they looked real, though. I was horrified and so overcome with fear that I was sweating when I awoke with a sudden start. I had that very specific kind of clammy feeling that only fear can cause.
Perce: What do we do now, Dez?
Desirée: It is hard to say. I just need to keep going. I guess I get that from my mom. It hurts so much, though. My heart is aching like a piece of a shattered glass vase. I feel like I am part of the Glass Menagerie. Do you know that play?
Perce: No, I’ve never heard of it. What does it mean?
Desirée: Nevermind, it is just another one of those literary references. Someday, perhaps you will read it, when we no longer know each other and then you will think of me.
Perce: Ok!?
Lights go down and the scene changes.
Scene Eight
Desirée’s bedroom. She is sitting on the bed. The room is lit by a stained glass lamp.
Desirée: I wonder if he would like to fly a kite. I should ask him, but not today. I have to wait three days, remember. She holds up a stuffed toy. He likes kids… What is this religion thing anyway? Stained glass windows like lamps in the hallways of despair. I just don’t get it. There is a culture to it, though. Maybe it has all been leading up to this. Maybe it’ll make sense later. Maybe, I was meant to help that kid, to be there, just at the right time. He did call me. At least the number when I pressed call back was a number in that state.
(The phone rings and she answers while tucking the animal under one arm.)
I can’t, I want to, but I can’t. No, that is not true. I never said that. Alright, then, just …whatever. (she hangs up the phone)
Scene Nine
Woman: They don’t make them like they used to.
Announcer: It seems that there has been a new scientific development, They are growing babies in tubes. Yes, like straws. This is better than sea monkeys.
Woman: Monkeys. Isn’t that what Des mentioned that map guy said – something about monkeys?
Enter Desirée
Desirée: Yeah, that’s right. I said monkeys- he had a story about monkeys that just made me laugh. But, before I met him I saw a white bellied hawk fly over me. It was very close- I could see the individual feathers and their variations. I think that it was a sign. Do you think I am crazy?
Woman: Well, it does sound odd, but then you are an odd bird. Perhaps you were the bird of prey and you swooped down on him.
Desirée: You would say something like that- you always have known how to make me cry and then dwell on things- just like he did- said I made him feel like a leper.
Woman: Perhaps you should have given him a kiss.
Desirée: For buying me a coffee? That just doesn’t seem right. Why should I owe him anything? I was nice, I just didn’t feel comfortable.
( aside to the audience) When will I ever learn not to share these things with her?
Woman: Well, get used to being alone, then. Your attitude isn’t going to help at all.
Announcer: Did you see the shadows? They were all over the place- like there were multiple light sources. That landing couldn’t have happened. They did a nice job faking it- just like a girl in bed. You never can be sure of that. . Well it’s a snow globe out there. You mothers should all go home and call your grown up kids. Just tell them to stay in on a Saturday night and make sure that they have milk and bread. They will be so thankful and then they will really appreciate you.
Desirée: (she looks up as though she can see the announcer) Did you hear that Mom?
Woman: I didn’t hear anything - there must be ghosts ( she laughs awkwardly). Like the Ghost and Mrs. Muir- I really like that show- wish they would have it on TV again. Seems that they never have anything good on, just crap over and over again, just like my life- CRAP.
Desirée: I have been reading this book on apology- you know, how apologies heal and help people to maintain harmony in the family. I thought you might want to read it.. I ordered you a copy.
Woman: Oh, well, I suppose you want me to apologize. (snearing) Perhaps, you could learn something from that book- to be a better daughter instead of always bitching at me like your brother.
Desirée: I’m writing a new play, Mom, it’s called Unco Guid.
Woman: Unco what? What is that German or something?
Desirée: It means oddly good in Scottish Gaelic. It’s about the family.
Woman: Well, you will have to ask your aunt about it . We will see what she has to say.
Desirée: Sure, that is what I expected you to say. ( she turns and walks off stage. Lights dim)
Scene Ten
Desirée: It is just that she never apologizes. She never admits that she is wrong about anything. It really hurts.
Mel: What are you going to do. It is what it is. That is why they are the mothers. I know, it sucks.
Desirée: She started this new thing- she doesn’t say I love you when she hangs up the phone.
Mel: What do mean? Do you say it first?
Desirée: Yeah, and then she just hangs up the phone. It is like a new trick that she has learned. I don’t know what it is all about. I feel so freaked out, though and I know that is what she wants. I just hate it- the manipulation.
Mel: What are you gonna do? That is the way they are. It just sucks.
Desirée: You know what I was just thinking?
Mel: What Des?
Desirée: He is just like her- giving me love in an eye-dropper. Sometimes the fluid is hemlock though or arsenic. A kind of attractive green and blue so it goes down easily.
Mel: Is that what color it is? Green?
Desirée: Yeah, they used to use it in paint and then people would get ill- go crazy in fact . I think that they used it in mental asylums or something. I remember that I saw this movie where Madame Bovary took poison and it took hours to die and she threw up this coppery green liquid- a combination of bile and flesh.
Mel: Coppery green?
Desirée: Yeah like when the copper has been left out in the elements. You know, I had to read this whole book on blue pigments when I was in college. It described the way certain colors were created in medieval times. They used to piss on copper to get a bluish green.
Mel: Was it like an ammonia thing? I don’t think that I would have liked to use that color to paint with. Nice color though. Do they call it pee green.
(They both laugh.)
Desirée: I kind of feel like that color sometimes. Like I have been created from what is left when people piss on something pink and shiny. I feel like something created from the elements- salt and water and cold.
Mel: Maybe you are like the sea. A sort of Sea-creature (gestures with slight sarcasm mingled with modesty).
Desirée: It is funny that you say that. The symbol of my family name is a mermaid…My ovaries hurt. (She touches both sides of her abdomen simultaneously)
Mel: I am sorry to hear that. That sucks.
Desirée: Do you think that it is safe to go out there- into the snow globe. If only it were a globe, a protective shield of fantasy.
Mel: Sounds like some kind of psych term- the shield of fantasy created by the victim.
Desirée: Well, I am a victim. I am a victim. I am a victim. Isn’t it supposed to help? Saying it out loud, I mean?
Mel: I guess so. I think that I may have heard that before or read it . It is a strange thought, though- like you can never let anyone touch you. I had a girl like that once- just couldn’t; let me touch her unless she had had a drink.
Desirée: Yeah, I know the feeling. Can’t wait for the day that I can really trust someone. Do you think that it will ever happen, Mel?
Mel: Anything’s possible. (holds out his hands to possibility)
Desirée: Yeah, alright . I better get moving. The job search thing is a killer.
Mel: Tell me about it .
Desirée: I don’t have time now. Just wait ‘til later. It will give us something to laugh about.
Scene Eleven
Announcer: Is it true that the moon changes your personality because it pulls you towards it?
Desirée: Here we are again, Mel. I can’t stop thinking about what he said. It isn’t about him, though. It is about me. I called the Crisis center.
Mel: Well, if you feel in crisis, that would be the right place to call.
Announcer: Did you know that the moon is the brightest thing in the night sky and yet it does not give off its own light.
Mel: That's right, the moon is like a giant mirror to the sun.
Desirée: Huh, what are you talking about. We weren't talking about the moon, Mel.
Mel: Oh, just ignore it, it was the voice again. I heard it say something about the moon and I responded.
Desirée: (looking a bit confused) Well, I think we should be going. Off to the pitch and putt. You know, pitch the old stuff and putz around with the new.
Mel: Hey, I kind of like that, maybe I could use it in a play.
Lights dim and come up. Mel and Desirée are at the miniature golf course.
Desirée: Well, Mel, I am glad we decided on miniature golf. I think I am much better at short distances. I almost got the last one in. ( She places an imaginary ball on the ground and swings. There is a miniature castle to one side with some fake green grass leading up to it.) Ahh, into the moat as predicted, not unlike the rest of my life, huh Mel?
Mel: No need to be down on yourself, you have accomplished a lot and that new job is going to really change things.
Desirée: Yeah, you are right, nothing like a change of scenery to liven things up. Keep thinking there are other things I should be doing, though. Like walking on the moon or living in Africa. I can imagine myself standing and looking across the savannah, Mel. This here could be the high ground where the Male lion sits overlooking his pride and over here could be my home- something simple made of wood and fabric that I could move around to different spots seasonally. Can you see it, Mel? The African sun deep red on the horizon and the dust flying as the wind picks up. Soon the moon will rise and we will feel different.
Mel: Yeah, I definitely feel different when the moon is up. It is a bit creepy.
Desirée: Yeah, it makes me feel sad, kind of melancholy. I imagine that the moon was once in love with the sun and that he rejected her or rather that he barely noticed her until everything was eclipsed. Well, it is your turn, Mel, we have been at this same hole for a while and I think that family with the three kids is going to be upon us in full force in a moment.
Mel: Well, I still got it. A hole in one! Yes! If only that were a euphamism rather than reality.
Desirée: Do you ever talk to that girl, Eva? Eve? What was her name exactly?
Mel: Nope, gave up on that one, she was one of those whose name must not be heard, kind of girls. A bit crazy, if you ask me.
Desirée: Well, I was just asking. Hey, did you ever think what it would be like to live on the moon. I saw these paintings, well sort of sculptures, no bas-reliefs I guess they call them, well anyway I saw some in a night club and they looked like the surface of the moon. They were incredible. The color and texture was very realistic. I even thought about buying one, but who knows where I will be from one day to the next. I mean, I never thought I would be here for this long, I mean on this planet, in this city, anywhere really.
Mel: That sounds a bit 'MACABRE" as the upper crusties might say.
Desirée: Well, Halloween is my favorite holiday, after all. I am already thinking about my costume for this season.
Mel: Oh yeah, something sparkly?
Desirée: Nope, something dark and twisty. I want to be a bird of prey. I was thinking an owl even, I could practice turning my head farther and farther everyday. Owls have a remarkable turning radius for their necks. There is a special word for it, but I can't remember what it is. It's always like that for me, I can remember the concepts, but not the specifics.
Mel: Yeah, that is what got the World Book Encyclopedia into business. Most people seem to only remember things in part, like a vague cloud is around all knowledge.
Desirée: Oh, what should we call it the cloud of knowledge or the fog of doubt? Hahha, funny it really is a half empty, half full kind of thing. Well, we are at the last hole. Do you think that we have learned anything?
Mel: Well, I don't feel sparks going off around my ears, but I do feel like it has been a journey, always is when we hang out.
Desirée: Ok, so now all we have to do is get the last ball into the Venice canal and we are home free. (a picture of the edge of the Ducal Palace and the canal is seen projected over the background. you see a ball fly into sight and then bounce back onto the stage. Desirée picks up the ball, while speaking). I guess you win, Mel. Try getting this one in all in one try. (She hands him the ball).
Mel: Alright well, let's see if we can set off some sparks. ( Mel places the ball delicately on the tee and gracefully strikes it. Firecrackers go off in the background and the lights go dim. Mel and Desirée can be heard exclaiming as they leave the stage in darkness). That was a sure thing!
Desirée: Wasn't for me, Mel, wasn't for me!
Scene Twelve
Desirée: ( Lights are dark and there is one spotlight on Desirée, she is speaking to the audience) Venice, was just thinking about that. We change so much in our lives, don't you think? I remember thinking that love was all I needed, all that I wanted. I thought it could solve all of my problems. Now, I realize that it caused most of them or rather, searching for it made everything come to the surface over the years. Like traveling in that yellow submarine and awakening from a dream. How right they were, you know their songs were right on, and yet I don't think that I really ever thought about what they meant. Course there is always Tracy Chapman and Billy Holiday to thank for the beautiful and the real. For the Truth.
(Lights come up softly and she picks up a stuffed animal. The room is a girl's room with a canopy bed and soft blue wallpaper with peach flowers on it. She hears a knock on the door and she opens it.)
J-Dog: (Stands just inside the door as it opens) Well hello there. Can I come in?
Desirée: (Nods her head and walks over to sit on the bed. Her expression is blank as if in a kind of shock) So, this is where I grew up, J-Dog. This is where it all happened. (She hands the stuffed animal to J-Dog who starts to animate it by moving it around) The only thing missing is my dog. I should get one someday, when I settle down, if I settle down.
J-Dog: (Walking the stuffed animal playfully along the bed, and making it look up at her, says in a silly voice) You want to come out and play?
Desirée: (Smiling softly and reaching out to take the stuffed animal, she hugs it and says) Ok, I think I can come out of the time machine and see what planet I have ended up on, maybe I have finally made it to the moon, what do you think? ( she says this to the stuffed animal)
J-Dog: I will get the guitar, alright? See you downstairs, right?
Desirée: (Nods and stays behind for a moment carefully placing the animal on the bed) You should get some rest, it will be a long road of adventure for you after this, who knows where you will end up, but let's hope you can be there for someone. (She gets up, opens the door, takes one last look, and turns out the light as she closes the door)
Scene 13
The scene is a kitchen. Many relatives are floating around and everyone looks like they have been hit by a brick. Desirée is sitting next to J-Dog as he begins to play the guitar. People are still talking but their voices gradually fade as Desirée begins to sing.
Desirée: (Singing) Some people say that there is nothing, some people say that it's a dream. I think I say that there is something, something way beyond the moon. Your life will be what you have made it and we are here to give it truth. Some people say that you have made it, I think I say that I hope so. You were always so troubled, I can't imagine you today. There is a way to walk the earth and sky, but to the moon you have to fly. And so I think that it's enough today, to only say good-bye.
(A few of the relatives clap, while others barely stir. J-Dog leans over and puts his arm around Desirée and the lights fade)
Lights come up and the kitchen is empty of people except for Desirée, J-Dog and Mel.
Mel: Well, its the end of the book now, you will have to start a new one at this point. How are you feeling?
Desirée: Not sure, yet, Mel. Feels like I got hit by an iceberg and it is melting with cool water dripping down my forehead. How is that for an image?
J-Dog: Sounds like you could be a bit refreshed, if you ask me. Your voice was good yesterday.
Mel: I think you made the right choice to wait until everyone was at the house rather than to sing at the cemetery. I noticed the other graves, too. They may all be walking on the moon now. Perhaps, she is at peace.
Desirée: I know I am, finally.
Lights dim and an image of the first man walking on the moon is seen projected in the background with the American flag flying and rippling in the image.
Announcer: Well, whether we made it to the moon for the first time back in the sixties or not, we have walked on it since then and that is in fact, one giant step...
Lights dim, Desirée's song from the wake plays softly as the play ends.
